My Immortal: The Final Product
by Cynic Anon
Summary: Tara Gilesbie's legendary fanfiction, My Immortal, is being edited by me, Cynic Anon. Hopefully, it will turn the infamous BadFic into something memorable for things other than plot holes and grammar mistakes. Contains strong language and mature themes.
1. An Introduction

My Immortal - Edited

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><p>Forward:<p>

Hi, my name is R. L. Elyah, but you can refer to me as Rebattu, Cynic Anon, Charlie, or whatever the heck you feel like at the moment(within reason). I am an aspiring author, grammar "nazi," internet dweller, and lover of satire and parody. I'm also a fan of bad/troll fanfiction, as many of you surely are. Hopefully that makes it no surprise that I am fond of the infamous Harry Potter fanfiction_ My Immortal_. I've taken much delight in Ms. Gilesbie's achievements in bad grammar, plot holes, and distortion of Mary Sue traits. Surely we've heard jokes about it being the original _Twilight_, but I've come to wonder something: If something like that can get a publishing deal, is there any chance that if _My Immortal _became a published work it could be saved by editors?

Thus, I've begun a project. I will be combing through the archives of this dreaded, beloved fanfiction and attempting to turn it into something readable, perhaps even _enjoyable_. I won't be changing the actual set of events, mind you. I'm just going to try to change the wording, add a bit of exposition and dialogue, and attempt to morph this from a possible troll's "goffic" Harry Potter fic starring a Mary Sue to an alternate take on the Harry Potter universe featuring a flawed, self-aware, and perhaps even likable protagonist.

This won't be a lulz-filled, silly place with goofy author's notes and a random events plot; this is hopefully going to be a fairly decent, coherent story that dabbles in being both lighthearted and sweet and dreadfully dark and realistic, possibly with the occasional editor's note if you have questions that need proper answers. I may be shooting for the moon here, but I honestly want to transform this work into something fun and entertaining for a reason _besides_ being mankind's testament to bad writing.

Maybe, reader, you'd like to join me on this journey. I'd be honored if you would. The updates will hopefully be quick, considering the season, and the miniscule sections may be strung together to avoid a bloated chapter archive. I'm open to critique and suggestions, and I hope you'll be open to a legible, sensible version of this glorious mess. So, without further ado, I present to you my best effort at editing this story.

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><p><strong>My Immortal<strong>

By Tara Gilesbie

_Edited by R. L. Elyah_


	2. Chapters One and Two

**Chapter 1.**

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><p>Hi, my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name, as I come from a darkheaded family,) that reaches my mid-back. Currently, I've added purple streaks and red tips to it; I think they highlight my icy blue eyes. A lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee, but I'm not sure if that's an accurate comparison.<p>

I'm a vampire, but my teeth are straight and white. I _do_ have pale white skin, though. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in Wales where I'm in the seventh year, as I'm seventeen. I like to dress in gothic clothing, so I wear mostly black. I love an American store called Hot Topic; I order nearly all of my clothes from there. For example, today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace, a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

I was walking outside of Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining, oddly enough, so there was no sun. I prefer gloomier weather, anyway. Several of the more popular students gave me dirty looks. I rolled my eyes and flipped them off. _Geez, will they ever give me a break?_

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up and was pleasantly surprised. It was Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked, trying to surpress my huge grin.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

Before I could find out why he actually called me over, I heard my friends call me and decided to ask him later.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2.<strong>

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><p>The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my black and pink coffin and drank some blood from a bottle beside me. I need to keep my bloodlust quenched; otherwise, I may lose control and rampage the school. I got out of my coffin and took off my giant MCR t-shirt, which I used for pajamas. I got dressed as my friend and roommate, Willow, woke up and grinned at me. She flipped her long, waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. We chattered as she joined me in preparing for the day.<p>

"Oh my fucking God, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly, teasing me. She knew how I felt about him, though we never really discussed it.

"Yeah, so?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we walked into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted, embarrassed by her question.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. My denial was an obvious tip-off, and it didn't help that she knew me so well. Just then, Draco walked up to me. _Speak of the devil, I suppose..._

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied, unintentionally flirty. Ugh, my voice sometimes decides to do that instead of stutter from embarrassment. I'd rather be mumbling than sound like a tramp, but I don't get much control of the situation.

"Guess what," he said, excitement bubbling over his calm and cool persona.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte is having a concert in Hogsmeade this Friday," he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed, nearly jumping in the air. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. Draco was grinning from my positive reaction.

"Well… do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. "O-of course," I replied. I could hardly believe he'd asked me. I've liked him for so long, but I never thought he returned those feelings. He smiled and told me the time he'd pick me up, but I barely heard him. Out of all the pretty girls in this school, he chose me. A small smile formed on my lips.

As he walked off, Willow smirked at me. "You 'so fucking don't' like him, huh?"

"Shut up."


End file.
